by Jennie Smith

When I was growing up, my parents always told me that my brothers would be the only family I would have one day and that it was important to maintain a good relationship with them.  In the last few years, we have lost both of our parents much earlier than we would have wanted to.  Dividing up two estates might rip many siblings apart, but we found it to be an easy process, one where we drew together instead of apart.  It was a living testament of Proverbs 17:17 “…a brother is born for adversity”; siblings can be there to help us in difficult times.   

As parents, it is our responsibility to help foster positive relationships between our children in order to give them the foundation they need to truly be friends later in life.  Here are some ideas I have used in my own parenting to help promote good relationships with their siblings.

Model it

My mom and her siblings would have “family days.”  These were themed days where everyone got together, ate a meal, and did something fun.  My brothers and I were raised watching a family support and love each other.  Now, my brothers and I have set times that we get together throughout the year even though we live in three different cities.  For example, we dedicate one weekend a summer to camp, just the three of us and our families.  My boys say they love to go on that trip, especially because they love watching my brothers and I interact with each other.  They have witnessed the friendships between my brothers and I and it is giving them a good example to follow.

Be intentional about family time

One of the greatest gifts I gave to my boys was the monthly camping trip we would do.  We got away from the house and away from the screens.  My boys didn’t have cell phones at the time, so their only choice was to find something fun to do with their brothers.  It’s only on these camping trips that I see my boys play game after game, go fishing together, go on a bike ride with each other.  This time of intentionality was a real turning point in fostering good relationships between our boys.

Don’t lose the family dinner

So many times our busy schedules force us to eat dinner on the run.  Sometimes, we want to eat dinner in front of the TV.  However, there is so much benefit to making time to eat together, even if it is just once or twice a week.  Those are some of the best times for sharing and laughing together and making memories.  

Cheer each other on

If one sibling is performing or playing a sport, the other siblings should be encouraged to go along and support each other.  Not only does it help the one on stage to feel the love from the family, it gives everyone something to talk about and provides an opportunity for siblings to build one another up.

Use sibling conflict for good

There will always be conflict with siblings.  The first two siblings, Cain and Abel, proved that! Teaching our children to resolve their differences in healthy ways will not only give them the skills to have a better relationship with each other, but also build good conflict resolution to take into their adult lives.  These are great opportunities to help them give grace to one another, to learn the right way to apologize and ask for forgiveness, and to help them learn to forgive each other.  

My mom shared this observation on the day of my dad’s’ funeral:

“I glanced in the direction of the grave and my children were standing together.  Seeing them standing there, all together, comforting one another, this mama’s heart swelled with gratitude because they were helping each other through this difficult time.  One thing Fred and I always told our children…”be kind to your brother and sister, they are the ones you will always be able to count on when you need someone.’”  

As I reflect on the difficult days of saying goodbye to our parents, I am so grateful for the friendships of my two brothers and for the amazing ways our parents helped us to prioritize those relationships.  What are ways that you have found successful in helping your kids build friendships with their siblings?  Share them below!

Left: Mrs. Smith and her brothers, 1979

Right: Mrs. Smith and her brothers, 2024